Circles within circles, wide and stark white
Triangle with two circles, flared with all their might
X and Y, X and Y
Indiscernible to the eye
Xs and Ys, Xs and Ys
Tan colored rectangles,
Stacked up behind the guys
A mass of red, overshadows a blob of grey,
Yeah, one of those guys had way too much hash that day
There it floats, all amorphous and green
Phallic they’d describe it, if this were some “art crit-i-cis-eem“
So where are the X’s that require one more
Ah, who gives a shit; in college they’re all just drunk whores
Lartrex had found himself settling in well with the human population. They only had minor difference than him and the fact that they were all internal differences helped him blend. There were other dark-skinned humanoids on the planet and so he found himself blending in easily. His need for citric acid went completely unnoticed as and the few people that did notice only called him a health nut and brushed it off as normal behavior. Though he found it odd because his body couldn’t digest nuts and yet they called him a health nut. Yes, the humans he was staying with were definitely odd.
He found a home in what was called a frat house, which he determined was a home for superior males to copulate. Every weekend woman of all kinds came in seeking copulation. Though Lartex wasn’t really physically different outwardly, he worried about becoming impregnated by a female. He was amazed that all the males of his frat house were not hatching eggs out their ears.
One girl finally pulled him aside reassuring him, that she was on the pill. “The pill?” he asked.
“Yes, you know, so no babies.” She said with an innocent shrug.
“You have a pill that prevents children?” He asked shocked and even more amazed that the female, not the male took it.
She giggled, “How drunk are you?” She asked and started kissing him.
“I have had quite a bit of orange juice, why?” He asked baffled that she was asking about his hydration.
“You are so funny! Show me your room.” She insisted pulling him down the hall.
He had been careful about making sure he had several items in his room that were from this planet. He did get the majority out of discount bins though. He didn’t want to go wasting his money on things he would never use.
She walked around his room and pulled out a disc smirking. “You like Barbra Streisand?”
“Are you gay?”She asked.
“I am content.” He answered and gave her a soft smile.
“Let me fix that for you.” She said and pinned him to the bed.
He was shocked and amazed at the things she did to his body. He would have to make a special offering of thanks to the Goddess of pleasure for this humanoid being.
What he didn’t realize until three months later was that the little humanoid female had lied. She had given him her egg when she released impregnating him. He shook his head. He knew it was too good to be true. Now he had a baby that he would have to care for in the next year.
He increased the citric acid in his diet and was careful not to wrestle with the playful males of his house. They seemed to take great pleasure in pushing each other into the ground and then yell ‘rematch’ and go again.
He realized as he stepped out of the shower that he was growing two large lumps and shook his head. “Twins,” He mumbled. Luckily for him the children were growing in his gluteus maximum’s, as the humans called it and having a large one would not draw attention to himself. He did find it rather nice that the females would often put their hands on his as if they knew sweet babies were growing there. He was sure that was why they were draw to feeling it.
Finally the day came and he delivered the egg sacks in one hard bowel moving push. One was blue and the other green. He knew that meant one of each gender. He carefully tucked them in a warm incubating box, under his bed. He was pleased that he was able to buy one on line and shocked that human egg sacks were so tiny when they delivered. The incubator he purchased had to be modified as it was made to hold a dozen children at once! The thought of raising two young ones was overwhelming. He didn’t know how the humans did it with a dozen.
Over the next few months he gathered things discreetly for his children storing up fruit and clothes for them and gently bathing their sacks in citrus every night so they would grow big and strong. His frat house mates seemed concerned about him frequently locking himself up in his room and asked if he was alright. He considered telling them about the children but was still too nervous about their reaction.
One afternoon he came home from class to find his frat mates laughing as they tossed something around. When he took a moment longer to see what it was he screamed in terror.
“Stop!” He shouted in horror as he watched them toss his children around.
“What is the deal with these water balloons?” One guy asked.
“What?” He was confused he had never heard of such a thing. “Give them back!” He shouted as his children were playfully passed around.
“Oh we will give them back!” One annoying male heckled and then threw his son with such force he thought for sure he would be brain damaged. Lartex caught and cuddled the baby close to his chest then looked up at the man holding his daughter. “Give it to me now!” He shouted.
“Dude, sorry, is it like your science experiment of something? I hope we didn’t mess up your results to bad.”
Lartex snatched his daughter out of the fools hand and ran into his room. He gentle placed them in the incubator and soaked them in citrus hoping its healing properties would save his children from any damage, then sat down and cried.
It was time to go home to Tarmex. This planet filled with idiot humans would not be a safe place to hatch his children. Obviously the dozen eggs they delivered met with demise and that is why the population was not so dense. He realized now that a few of the frat mates had showed him family pictures and all only had one or two siblings of the dozen. He shook his head. The earth humans were vile creatures to dispose of children in such a state. He would not raise his family here. No, he would go home and never return.
~Rose Von Barnesly
An excerpt from
FOR OLD TIME SAKE
A future story by Dollybigmomma
The day had started out looking so good. It really had. Everyone had slept well, all the volunteers had been brought up to speed, and Edward had grinned at me without it being because I had tripped over my own feet or had had to change another of Mr. Stewart’s ripe Depends that had me running and gaging again. The old man was a sweetheart, but I swear he had the bowel movements of a two hundred pound skunk.
For as good as it had seemed, the day had suddenly gone horribly wrong. I was so going to kill Edward’s great-grandfather, not to mention Edward for sneaking the things in to him.
“Catch it, Doris!” Edgar yelled as Aunt Doris tried to catch the next water balloon. Yes, Edgar in all his immature eighty-four year old glory had decided a game of water balloon toss was a great way to help the senior ladies improve their dexterity and arm strength. Never mind the dirty old bastard had managed to get them all to wear their thin white t-shirts the center had given them under the guise that they would look like a ‘team.’ Yeah, right. The old pervert just wanted a front row seat to the impromptu wet t-shirt contest he had instigated.
As predicted, Aunt Doris was drenched when the balloon burst in her hands. “Oh, my!” she squealed when the cold water splattered all over her, thoroughly soaking her shirt. Now, had this been the beach in Miami during spring break, this wouldn’t have been that bad. But Aunt Doris was a long way from being a co-ed and her boobs were even longer, literally.
Yeah, time had not been kind in the perky boobs department for Aunt Doris.
“Woohoo!” Edgar hollered, quickly filling up another balloon. “Okay, Mrs. Daugherty, it’s comin’ at ya, catch!” he yelled. Edgar turned around and bent over, hiking it at her like a football, launching the balloon filled with water. Now, to describe Mrs. Daugherty’s cleavage, one would have to take extra care to give props to the enthusiasm of her late husband and his generosity where her plastic surgeon had been concerned. Unfortunately, said plastic surgeon had long since passed and Mrs. Daugherty could have definitely used his expertise in keeping things where they belonged now. Needless to say, Silicone Valley had developed a fault line and it had since become a tragic landscape.
“I’ve got it!” Mrs. Daugherty screamed, but she missed. The balloon burst against her right shoulder, barely wetting her. Edgar apparently wasn’t thrilled with that outcome, so he quickly launched another one at her. The first splash had started seeping down and wetting her shirt more, revealing the scary vision of Mrs. Daugherty’s freaky breast sans a brassiere. Tyler, one of the high school volunteers, was frozen in a look of shock and horror as the second balloon made contact.
“SCORE!” Edgar yelled as the front of her shirt was drenched. “Beautiful!” he grinned as the entire mountain range became visible under her thin wet shirt.
“Dude! You’ve got to be kidding me!” Tyler screamed looking at Edgar. “The last time I saw something like that, there were signs warning of falling rocks!”
“Have some respect, young man. Just because the mountains have shifted and worn down with age doesn’t mean they aren’t still just as scenic a view to an appreciative climber!” Edgar chastised.
“Freaky old people,” Tyler grumbled under his breath.
Noooooo! This couldn't be happening.
My graduate's project was being ruined by some stupid jocks. I worked non stop all year to engineer a pair of arms as my senior years thesis project and my jock roommate and his dumb ass friends were about to ruin the robotic inserts with non other than water balloons. I've always been interested in bionics ever since I was a kid and my jaw was eatten alive from a vicous flesh eating spider bite. Well thats the quick version, but i was fortunate enough to have been the only person on the waiting list for a chin relacement. The donor was ten years older than me but my parents didnt care it was a small risk i'm glad they took. Now that im older and have grown into it, it doesnt look so weird. The ladies love it. Now for this stupid idiot. If he ruins my bionic arms, im posting that picture he keeps under his pillow of his appendage all over the schools website. Perhaps I should re-think my course of study in bionics and look into bionic penis replacements.